A Gentle Look at the Brain Behind Our Wallet
Most of us think we have a “money problem”.
“I spend too much.”
“I can’t stick to my plan.”
“I always ruin my budget at the end of the month.”
But very often, before it’s a money problem, it is a stress problem.
When we are tired, anxious, or overwhelmed, our brain does not think the same way it does on a calm morning with a coffee. And that difference quietly shows up in how we tap, swipe, and click “checkout”.
This article is a gentle look at how stress changes the way we spend money, and a few small ways to soften that pattern.
1. What Stress Does Inside the Brain
Stress itself is not the enemy.
It is the body’s way of saying:
“Something feels unsafe. Please pay attention.”
When we feel stressed, a few things happen:
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The body releases stress hormones (like cortisol and adrenaline).
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Our heart rate and breathing may increase.
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The brain shifts energy away from long-term planning and towards short-term survival.
A simple way to picture it:
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The “thinking part” of the brain (the planner, the calm one) becomes quieter.
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The “fast emotional part” (the one that wants comfort or escape) becomes louder.
This doesn’t turn us into bad people.
It just means our decisions change.
2. Common Ways Stress Shows Up in Spending
Different people react differently, but there are a few common patterns.
2.1 Stress spending for comfort
After a hard day, the brain looks for something that feels safe or pleasant right now:
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Food delivery instead of cooking.
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Small impulse orders from Shopee or Tokopedia.
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Extra coffee, snacks, or bubble tea “because I deserve it”.
None of these are evil. But when they become automatic, they turn into leaks in our budget.
2.2 Stress spending to feel in control
When life feels out of control, buying something can feel like:
“At least I can decide this.”
Examples:
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Upgrading gadgets again and again.
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Over-optimising hobbies or setups (new tank gear, new notebooks, new apps).
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Jumping into “quick investment opportunities” when anxious about the future.
It’s less about the item and more about regaining a sense of control.
2.3 Stress freezing – avoiding money completely
Some people do the opposite. Under stress they:
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Avoid opening banking apps.
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Ignore bills until late fees arrive.
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Refuse to think about savings or debt.
This is still a stress reaction. Instead of fighting or fixing, the brain chooses “freeze and don’t look” as a way to protect itself from feeling overwhelmed.
3. Everyday Examples (Quiet but Familiar)
A few calm, realistic scenes:
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You come home exhausted. Cooking feels impossible. You order delivery two or three nights in a row. Your body needed rest, but your budget quietly takes the hit.
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After a conflict at work, you scroll a marketplace and suddenly “need” something small. The price is not huge, but you repeat this pattern often.
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On a stressful red market day in crypto, you feel pressure to “do something”. You jump into trades you wouldn’t touch on a calm day.
In each case, the stress came first. The spending followed.
I wrote a separate piece on what constant phone checking does to our focus and mood.
4. Why Logic Alone Is Not Enough
Most people already know what they “should” do with money:
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Spend less than they earn.
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Save a bit.
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Avoid debt traps.
The problem is not knowledge.
It’s trying to use pure logic while the body is in survival mode.
When stress is high, advice like “just control yourself” or “just stop buying” doesn’t land. The emotional brain is too loud.
That’s why we need strategies that respect the stress, not fight it with shame.
5. Gentle Ways to Notice Stress Spending
We cannot change what we never notice. So the first step is simple awareness.
5.1 Ask “What am I feeling?” before “What am I buying?”
When you catch yourself about to spend, pause for a moment and ask:
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“Am I hungry, tired, sad, lonely, bored, anxious?”
Even if you still buy the thing, you’ve already done something important:
you separated the emotion from the action.
Over time, you may realise patterns like:
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“I overspend when I’m lonely at night.”
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“I shop apps when work stresses me.”
That knowledge is powerful.
5.2 Keep a tiny “stress note” instead of only expenses
For a week or two, write:
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What you bought
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How you felt just before
Example:
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“Ordered food – tired.”
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“Bought game top-up – bored + stressed.”
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“Skipped bill – anxious.”
No need to analyse deeply. Just observe.
You’re mapping the connection between mood and money.
6. Small Steps to Soften the Pattern
We’re not trying to remove all stress or all impulse forever.
We’re aiming for less harm, more awareness.
6.1 Give yourself a “stress budget”
Instead of pretending you’ll never stress-spend, you can contain it.
For example:
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Set aside a small amount each month (like Rp100.000 or RM30) as a “comfort budget”.
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You’re free to use it for snacks, small treats, or tiny impulsive buys.
This way, your brain still gets some comfort, but your main budget stays safer.
6.2 Create non-money comfort options
Prepare a list of zero or low-cost comforts for stressful days:
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Hot shower.
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Simple favourite food cooked at home.
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Music or slow jazz you love.
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Message to a friend.
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Watching shrimp or fish in your tank.
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Short walk outside.
The next time you feel like buying something purely from stress, try one of these first, then decide if you still want to spend.
6.3 Use a tiny pause rule
Before larger non-essential buys, use a simple rule:
“If it costs more than ___, I’ll wait 24 hours.”
Fill the blank with a number that fits your life (for example, Rp200.000 or RM50).
You can still buy it tomorrow. But many “stress items” lose their power after a night’s sleep.
7. Building Safety Nets to Reduce Stress in the First Place
In your other articles you already talk about:
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Small emergency funds, and
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Safety nets in money and daily life.
These reduce stress at the root.
When your brain knows:
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“I have some savings for small emergencies.”
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“I have a plan for bills.”
it doesn’t need to scream for comfort as loudly.
Impulse spending doesn’t disappear, but it often becomes easier to manage.
If you like this topic, I also wrote about why our brain feels calmer when we have a simple plan.
so readers can move deeper if they want.
8. When Stress Is Too Heavy
Sometimes stress spending is only a small part of a bigger picture:
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Chronic anxiety or sadness
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Burnout
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Family pressure or unsafe situations
In that case, money tweaks alone will not fix everything. It may help to:
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Talk to someone you trust.
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Consider professional support if it’s available.
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Be extra gentle with yourself; you are doing your best with a tired system.
This article is not medical advice, just a soft explanation of one pattern many people share.
9. Gentle Takeaway
You are not “bad with money” just because you spend more when you’re stressed.
Your brain is trying to cope with discomfort using the tools it knows:
food, shopping, upgrades, distractions.
You’re allowed to:
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Notice the pattern without judging yourself.
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Give your brain kinder options for comfort.
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Build small safety nets that reduce the background fear.
Little by little, your money story can become less about panic,
and more about caring for a tired nervous system that just wants to feel safe.
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