Finding a Kinder Pace for Your Own Life
Most of us have a secret list in our head:
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At this age I “should” have this amount of savings.
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I “should” already own a house or car.
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My tank “should” look like the ones I see online.
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My career “should” be at a certain level.
Then we look around and see people who seem ahead of us.
It’s very easy to quietly think: “I am late. I am behind. I am failing.”
This article is not about lowering every dream. It’s about finding a kinder pace that fits your actual life, not the life people display on social media.
1. Why “Behind” Hurts So Much
Feeling “behind” is painful because it touches two fears:
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Fear of missing out – that life will move on without us.
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Fear of being judged – that others see us as lazy or not good enough.
The mind mixes these fears into one story:
“Everyone is moving forward except me.”
It usually ignores:
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Different starting points
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Different responsibilities
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Different hidden struggles
But your nervous system still reacts as if the story is 100% true.
2. The Invisible Parts of Other People’s Lives
When we compare, we normally see only the visible result:
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Their house, car, travels, big tank.
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Their job title or Instagram lifestyle.
We don’t see:
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Parents who helped with down payment.
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Side deals, debts, or pressure behind the scenes.
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Health problems or burnout they paid for that “success”.
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How long they were quietly struggling before the result appeared.
This doesn’t mean their achievements are fake.
It just means the story is not as simple as “they tried harder”.
Remembering this doesn’t remove jealousy overnight, but it keeps us from turning comparison into self-hate.
3. Writing a Timeline That Fits Your Reality
Instead of asking, “What have I achieved compared to them?” try:
“Given my real life,
what kind of progress is actually possible and kind?”
Your real life includes:
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Income level and job stability
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Family responsibilities (supporting parents, siblings, children)
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Health, energy, mental capacity
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Local cost of living
Maybe your timeline to pay off debt is longer.
Maybe your shrimp tank takes more months because equipment is limited.
Maybe your savings grow slowly because you also send money home.
None of this makes your story less valuable. It makes it yours.
4. Shrimp Tanks, Money, and Personal Pace
Aquariums are a good mirror for this feeling.
Two people can start tanks on the same day:
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One has pressurised CO₂, strong light, and big budget.
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One has basic lights, sponge filter, and tap water with leaves.
After three months, their tanks will not look the same.
But it would be strange to say the second person is a failure.
They are playing a different game with different tools.
Your finances and personal growth are similar.
You might be doing the slow, low-tech version. It’s still valid.
5. Practical Ways to Live with the Feeling
The goal is not to never feel “behind” again.
The goal is to live with the feeling without letting it control every decision.
5.1 Limit your comparison windows
You don’t need to consume endless stories of other people’s progress.
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Mute accounts that trigger harsh self-comparison.
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Take breaks from finance or hobby content when it makes you feel small.
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Choose a few people whose journey genuinely inspires, not crushes you.
5.2 Anchor to your own track
Create a simple list:
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“Things I have already done for myself,”
e.g. started an emergency fund, learned basic water testing, said no to one unhealthy relationship or job.
Look at this list when your brain says, “You’ve done nothing.”
5.3 Choose one or two priorities at a time
You don’t have to grow in all directions at once.
Maybe this year is mainly for:
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Stabilising income and building that first small buffer.
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Or learning shrimp basics and letting the tank mature.
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Or resting from a heavy season instead of pushing harder.
Choosing a focus doesn’t mean abandoning everything else; it just means accepting that you are human, not a machine.
I’ve written more about moving at my own speed in this reflection on growing at my own pace.
6. Holding Ambition and Kindness Together
Being “okay with being behind” does not mean you stop caring.
You can:
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Want more income,
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Want a nicer home or tank,
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Want better health and stronger habits,
while still refusing to punish yourself for not getting there as fast as someone else.
Ambition without kindness burns people out.
Kindness without any direction can keep us stuck.
The middle path is:
“I am allowed to want more.
I am also allowed to move at a pace that my life can safely hold.”
7. Gentle Takeaway
You are not a late project management task.
You are a person living a specific life, with specific limits and specific gifts.
Some people will run. Some will jog. Some will walk.
What matters is not how you look next to them, but whether your path is:
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Honest about your reality,
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Sustainable for your body and mind, and
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True to what actually matters to you.
You are allowed to be “behind” in someone else’s story
while being exactly on time in your own.
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